Trains and boats and planes (and buses)

My orientation of Auckland is done by a ride on the free circular bus around the city centre. The city itself is quite small and it is dominated by the University and the waterfront. I am staying at a hostel in the centre of town and hostel life continues: card games; pool games and holding digital cameras in the air to get photos for the next episode of Facebook. There are some very peculiar New Zealand traits: no one as far as I can tell uses cash; netball is such a big game over here; the betting shops are licensed premises as well or the bars have betting shops attached to them; there are no beggars or homeless as far as I can tell; they do not seem to have an immigration hang-up and are prepared to tackle the indigenous Maori challenges; the Premier's house is guarded by only a 5 foot high fence; it is a nuclear-free country;Kiwis eat cheese and spinach sanwiches and the trains (with one exception) never run on time. The rules of speech are interesting too. It seems that vowels are interchangeable: hence a tixi will get you home at night and good finces make good neighbours. Consonants can disppear. The woman sitting next to me on the train lived 5 minutes from Suffus. I looked at her quizzically and it was only after 30 minutes or so of conversation about Suffus I realised that she lived near Sufers' Paradise. Another interesting fact is that the Kiwis are not part of the war on terror and have disbanded the strike arm of their air-force. The only act of terrorism committed on New Zealand territory was by the French when they mined Rainbow Warrior in the 1980s.

The scenery in New Zealand is spectacular. I have seen glaciers, snow-capped mountains, sunny golden beaches and lush green fields full of grazing sheep all in the same day. I went into the forest used in Lord of the Rings for a number of scenes and it was only 2 minutes from the centre of Wellington.

From Auckland I purchased a 7 day rail pass and my first stop was Wellington for the Ireland v All Blacks game. The train was 4 hours late because of goods traffic. This was to be true of all my journeys by rail. This is all the more curious and even more

amazing when you consider that for most of the journey there is only one train per day on a single track. You would have thought that someone might have been able to sort that out. I believe that in the whole history of New Zealand rail the only train to have run on time was the 1528 from Karikourai to Christchurch. I got to the station at 1530 because of a mix-up with my luggage at the hostel. I waved to the guard as the train left the station and she waved back as the train slowly but surely disappeared into the distance. The game itself was miserable. Ireland played with heart and well enough but the weather was atrocious: wet and freezing. This left the cake-tin (the local name for the stadium) half empty as most people had wisely decided to watch the game on the telly in their local bar. It is not good to be a northern hemisphere supporter of rugby in New Zealand: the piss-taking is relentless. I had to resort to the relatively poor performance of the All Blacks

in the last World Cup to have any chance of parrying the banter. I imagine that the best place to watch a rugby match in New Zealand is at the only Welsh bar in the southern hemisphere The Dragon in the heart of Wellington. Wales does have a lot in common with New Zealand: sheep; rugby and no Apple shops. The bar itself is a converted public convenience - no further comments needed.

From Wellington I caught the ferry to Picton. It was strange watching Ironman on a boat crossing the Cook Straits. I loved the south island of New Zealand: Queenstown is spectacular and Christchurch is charming. I did black-water rafting and sledging in Queenstown and walked the streets of Christchurch. Christchurch is charming; it is very English.

On Tuesday night an Irish music session was advertised at The Bog. I expected 3 bearded, Irish-heritage Kiwis to be singing earnestly about how bad te English are to various melodies based on the phase diddly dee diddly doo. How wrong I was: when I arrived there were 23 musicians aged from 7 to 76 from 7 different countries. This was the community session sponsored by Jamesons. They welcome anyone to play with them at these sessions. If you're ever in Christchurch don't miss them. If you are there on the Tuesday you may as well stay till the Wednesday and go to the hep dancing and jive session at the Loaded Hog - equally quaint and charming. Christchurch is such a pleasant place to be - wonderful art galleries, beautifully restored

buildings and imaginative uses for old university buildings. It's also got a dyslexia garden which talks you through the experiences of those with dyslexia; in the garden is some of the most evocative sculpture I have ever seen. Christchurch is great: it's in my top ten.

Whilst in New Zealand I finished reading the latest biography of Einstein. Since it is about 100 years between the publication of his special theory of relativity and his genral theory I have decided to commemorate the occasion with a couple of my own theories. They are the special theory of humanity and the general theory of humanity. The special theory will explain why a pint of lager always costs between three and four pounds in all capital cities - no matter what the exchange rate or the standard of living of the country. The general theory will prove that all countries have: bad governments; a pre-occupation with house prices; immigration problems; low-paid jobs being performed by undocumented or illegal immigrants and a rising standard of living. The New Zealand paradox will form part of this theory. Papers will be published on these theories in the near future.

Reading: The Clocks by Agatha Christie

Published: Still technical problems but will be sorted with opening of Apple store in Sydney on June 19

On the iPod Sawdust by The Killers

Tuesday I got Thursday on my mind

I could be in England: the Union Jack is flying everywhere; the Queen's face smiles from the $10 notes: the natives are complaining about immigrants taking all their jobs. There are a few differences: it is mid-winter and the temperature is 75F; the immigrants in question came to Fiji about 70 years ago as a result of British colonialism; there is an interim military government as a result of a military coup a couple of years ago and there is live food sold everywhere. I hadn't realised. just how Indian Fiji was: from Patel's supermarket to the magnificent Hindu Temple shown below; from the Prince Charles and  N V  Patel national stadium to the roti and sari shops.

There is an ever larger and growing resentment among the indigenous population about the Indians' position of privilege; the Indians think the Fijians are lazy. Depending who your taxi driver is you get a different view of the future of these beautiful islands.

Arriving there was confusing because I lost Wednesday as a result of  crossing the international date line. The beauty of Fiji is that there is no-one hassling or hustling you; there is no tipping and it is not encouraged. What surprised me is that it was so much more a developing country than I expected. I thought it was going to be more of a developed and sophisticated tourist venue - something

 like Hawaii but it was closer to  Gambia. The streets aredusty and the market is crowded, dirty and full of exotic foods both dead and alive. the last time I saw anything like this I was in Vietnam.This paradox will be explained later. The new colonialists are the phone companies: Vodafone sponsored everything. There is only one McDonald's and there are queues to get in. Brands,too, are everywhere - why are a 19 year-old woman and her 3 year-old daughter wearing Ramones' T shirts?

The buses of Fiji are amazng: they race taxis; there is no such thing as a full bus; there is one every 5 minutes and they are so cheap - it is the only way to travel

on the island until 11pm. Nadi (pronounced Nandi) was particularly busy because it was the Fiji cup finals of soccer. I managed to watch 3 games including the final. I also watched the final of the Super 14 on TV. This is Rugby but not as I know it. Waratha from Sydney were playing the Crusaders from Christchurch. The game was played at such a pace and with such finesse that I believe a Northern hemisphere side will find it difficult to win the World Cup for the next decade at least. In the end Christchurch won because their South Pacific players were better than Sydney's. All over the island you can see home-made pitches with bamboo rugby posts.

Fiji was my first real experience of backpackers. I stayed at a hostel and was treated as a bit of a curiosity. The backpackers' life is not as I expected: it is quite staid compared to, say, my retirement party in Vegas. Much of the day is spent playing cards or Pictogram or sunbathing. A lot of the nights are spent watching movies. Friday and Saturday are party nights where the whole of the night is spent holding digital cameras in the air to take shots for Facebook or other social networking sights.

 The islands of Fiji are beautiful and many. I went on a sailing ship to the island featured in Tom Hanks' Castaway. On the last day I discovered Denarau Island. This is the Hawaii of Fiji: manicured or herbicured lawns; $1 million houses; golf and racquet clubs; the finest hotels and massive yachts. And yet it is only 2 miles from the shanties outside Nadi. How long can they co-exist? It puts me in mind of the Waterfront in Capetown co-existing with the townships only miles away. How long can that last?

On the iPod: Coldplay

Reading: Einstein

Published: Due to technical difficulties and the lack of Apple stores in the Southern Hemisphere there will be no Shirt of the Villa for a while. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

Where Route 66 meets Route 1

I'm sitting in the King's Head in Santa Monica watching Man U and Chelsea; 1-1 at half-time. This place is rammed with English people. I think Chelsea just outnumber the Mancs and there are 3 people from Birmingham including me: I'm not sure of the team they support - never heard of them. I'm sure this game will end in penalties. I've mentioned on a number of occasions the divided states of America. My trip down Highway 1 has confirmed this view. Travelling from Seattle to San Diego has proven to me  how divided the sates are. I knew there was a difference between the North and the South. I knew that the East coast was different from the mid-West. I'd been to both Nebraska and Montana and knew those differences. What shocked me was the differences on the West coast. I expected Long Beach to be cool; but there was nothing there. I loved Portland with its free public transport in the centre of the city. It was also the first time I encountered the concept of drinking the wall. Paddy's wall in Portland is shown above. In a number of bars down the west coast there are walls of about 1000 different drinks which people try to drink in their lifetime. In Santa Cruz for instance there is a wall with 99 beers on it and Craig Allison has drunk it 15 times so far. I've mentioned the differences in America. Many of these coastal towns are very conservative, very Republican backwaters. They represent the hidden California for me - this is not the Beach Boys' laid- back California by any stretch of the imagination.  I'd like to go to some constants. All along the West coast the following are true: Mexicans work in the kitchens; young white college girls serve at tables; black and white old men panhandle and clear the trash bins; obscenely large cars and trucks are driven all over the place and lots of  people are fat. One other unifying event has been Ironman.  I've now seen it four times: it is a great movie. I am Iron Man are 4 words as significant as Tomorrow is another day.

One other big difference in the trip has been the availability of taxis. In some places they are everywhere; in others you can't get any. An example of non-availability is Cannery Row. As a Steinbeck fan I was looking forward to going there which I did but getting back was impossible.

Having been employed in a sector for 38 years which has a mission to get people into employment I have been very interested in new jobs and  peoples' job satisfaction. The happiest people I have met on the West coast so far are:

Alaskan crab fishermen;

bubble blowers on Santa Monica pier;

drivers of Ducks in several cities;

crab cooks in Santa Barbara;

clay sculptors in Monterey;

midgets who sing  Paint it Black;

drummers on Venice Beach.

I wonder where they got the careers advice from to live a full and happy life.

There was a great letter in The Guardian last week from a session musician who had been playing for 30 years and making a lot of money who fears that if she were at school under the current Labour government would risk her parents going to jail for her not getting qualified. 

The best time and place I've been so far is the John Paul Getty center in the Santa Monica mountains. It is superb public space; it is free; it has great views of LA and it has Wheatstacks.

On the Radio: Guns and Roses Black Sabbath Patsy Cline

Reading: On the Road

Published on YouTube: Shirt of the Villa: Pacific Highway

Hunkered down in Anchorage

Sitting in a bar in Freemont, Seattle watching  Chelsea and Liverpool is a very different experience from being in Anchorage after a 24 inch snowfall. Yesterday  Alan and I were in the same bar when Manchester United beat Barcelona. You can watch the hundreds of fans celebrating the victory on Youtube: Shirt of the Villa. As I write, Drogba has just netted for Chelsea and one fifth of the bar goes wild; the other 80% stand and sit in silence waiting. I think it's probably wise to put my Mac away in case any beer starts to spill. What is amazing about this bar is that for the last 2 days hundreds of supporters of English football teams have been coming here to watch the games, I don't know why. On the left you can see a woman from China who is a Chelsea fan; on the right some Manchester fans.

Alaska is strange. First there are Christmas trees in all the shops even though it is nearly May.  Second it is the land of the midnight sun: it just won't go dark even at 1030 at night. Third, you can have 24 inches of snow in one day, the biggest earthquake in the whole of America in 1964 and

 nobody bothers but if the Darwin's Theory doesn't open at 1000 then there is trouble. Our tour guide, a 39 -year-old single Alaskan woman describes why she is still single even though men  outnumber women by 2 to 1 : the odds are good but the goods are odd. Alaska is also beautiful. We do a sea-trip from Seward and see Puffins, Sea lions, Eagles and Whales - not bad for a 4 hour voyage. Then it's off for the flight to Washington state.

Seattle is a great city: one of my top 5 ever. It is beautiful, it has character and it is fun. What other city would put a massive troll

 under its main bridge? All great cities have a water presence and 

Seattle has it everywhere. Not many cities have an underground city running in  parallel but Seattle does. You can see what was left of one of the bathrooms on the left. the underground city tour is really worth doing.  I love this place. It has a Bolshevik statue of Lenin in Freemont - the heart of its entrepreneurial district. It also has a Science Fiction Museum, a music centre which was featuring Jimi Hendrix and an IMAX cinema screen which was showing Shine a Light, the Scorcese biopic of The Rolling Stones.

We have now hired a car and are on our way from Seattle to San Diego - first stop Long Beach.

Reading Bill Bryson's Shakespeare

On iPod Love

Published Shirt of the Villa USA

Leaving Las Vegas

Sitting in LAX en route to Alaska is a strange feeling particularly after five days in Las Vegas. Originally I was going to do one blog from America but I have always thought that this is not one country. The East coast and the West coast are different from the rest of America. The North is different from the South. The mid-West is something else. These are the divided states of America. Las Vegas certainly isn't like anywhere else on earth. You can be anywhere: have a drink under the Eiffel Tower; you can have an ice cream by the Trevi fountain; you can ride in a gondola by the Doge's palace or you can just visit Times Square. Not only is Vegas no respecter of geography but it also has no idea about the value of time. In an historical context you can go back to the 50s or forward to 2020. There are no clocks in Vegas as far as I know. This makes living any normal sort of life very difficult. Because my body clock was running at a different time to what the hotel maids though was normal sleeping patterns. I ran out of towels on Day 3. Another strange thing about Vegas is the number of wedding chapels - even the cathedral has a wedding chapel attached to it which seems a strange duplication of effort but I imagine it has something to do with specialism. There are stand-alone wedding chapels; wedding chapels in hotels; wedding chapels attached to restaurants and there is really a drive-thru wedding chapel. No wonder Britney couldn't resist the temptation.

I am joined in Vegas by friends from Coleshill: Neil and Sara and Andy and Karen. I am also joined by Alan who is going to do the rest of North America with me. Calzaghe beats Hopkins and Villa beat Blues so life goes on as normal.

Outside the airport there are signs advertising the 10 commandments: the taxis throughout Vegas advertise gun stores

where you can try one before you buy one. This seems a strange

combination of features: thou shalt not kill but if you want to try it without any commitment that's OK. 

 

On the iPod Tranquilise

Reading Bill Bryson's Shakespeare

Published Shirt of the Villa: Las Vegas

Chile is hot

I didn't get Chile for about five days: I knew that I liked it but I didn't know why. Then it was on the night that the taxi driver refused a tip of 2000 pesos (two pounds) because it was too much: I got it. It's the civility of the place; everyone is civil and extremely polite. I suppose the omnipresent police in their intimidating brown uniforms makes everyone civil. It certainly had that effect on me. When there is a demonstration of 100 people about Peruvian refugees there are 300 police escorting them together with their back-up of riot buses and fire hoses,

As per usual I start off with a City bus tour so I can get my bearings in Santiago. Once again there is a building, the tallest in Santiago (shown on right), which I can use as my touchstone. The next part of my travelling ritual is to ride the subway. I was not that impressed with the Buenos Aires Subte but  the Santiago Metro is excellent. It is clean, safe and efficient. For less than 40p you can travel anywhere in the city. What I like doing is getting the subway to some place mentioned in the guide books and walk back at my leisure towards the hotel. This is a great way to see any city.

Once again, it's the buses that are on top of Santiago's traffic pecking order though a pedestrian's life is not as threatened here as in Buenos Aires. The city is beautiful; it was founded in 1590 and the architecture reflects hundreds of years os Spanish colonialism. There is also some great modern architecture.

On my second night I go to see Rod Stewart. I am not a particular fan of his but this is like live greatest hits.He is a bit of a hero in Chile because he was the first star to come here after the fall of the Junta. He represents freedom and democracy to the Chilean people and the show is a sell-out. Unfortunately Sophie Ellis-Bextor cancels her Saturday gig at the last minute and Megadeth play the day after I leave.

My favourite part of the city is Bellavista. This is like the Greenwich Village of Santiago. Lots of buskers, drummers and market stalls. It is difficult getting a grasp of time sitting in the sun, reading a book, drinking Escudo and eating papas. One of nature's alarm clocks is the parade of school girls when their private school finishes at 2 o'clock. They all wear dark blue and the only difference in uniform they can exhibit are the bags they carry. Sadly most of them smoke but this is true of a lot of people here.

Chile is extremely long and narrow which gives you the option of getting close to the South Pole which I do after a 6 hour light to Puerto Monte which is a lot colder. 

Its narrowness means you are never far from the sea and I take a bus to San Antonio and visit some of the ports of the Pacific. One of the strangest group of people I have ever met is the happiness group. Their sole aim in life is to make people happy. The seven of them do this by jumping out at traffic lights w

hen they are on red and entertaining everyone around with juggling, music and dance. They do not ask for money;they are not given any grants; they just want to make people happy. On YouTube you can see their show.

All the civility of Chile disappears on my last Saturday in the country particularly at the Estadio Nacional where University de Chile (La U) are

 playing Colo Colo. This is a top-of-the-table local derby - what the locals call a classic. It was the most frightening football experience of my life. La U won 1-0 and Colo Colo fans w

ent mad. By contrast all Sundays take on a festival atmosphere. Streets downtown are closed and street food and street theatre comes to life. My 3 bean and potato stew at 50p is delicious. Most of the vendors seem to be refugees from Peru. Chile and Argentina are the most affluent countries in this region. Even so I had breakfast, lunch, a couple of beers, 3 metro tickets and a return ticket on the finicular railway for less than 7 pounds. Nothing quite prepares you for the 

view of Santiago from the statue of the Immaculate Conception which you reach after a 50 minute uphill walk or a 5 minute ride on the finicular. I choose the latter. The city spreads out in front of you and you can see how it is dominated by the omni-present Andes. This trip is one big classroom.

Coming back down and walking through Bellavista you realise how many dogs there are on the street but even they are civil. They just hang around chilling out. Well it's of to Vegas via Miami for the Calzaghe fight.

On the iPod Stop the Clocks Oasis

Reading Generation X

Published Shirt of the Villa: Chile

The adventure begins

My last night in Miami is spent at a Drum and Bass festival in the hotel next to mine on South Beach. I am a great fan of Douglas Coupland. My son gave me JPod for a Christmas present and since then I've started reading his books in sequence. The Drum and Bass night was typical post-modernist generation x consumerism. I had assumed that people would go to the digital disco to dance but that was not the case. The only people who were dancing or remotely moving were the four DJs. They were obviously passionate about their work while everyone else just stood about trying to talk to each other above the noise. Yet people had paid to get in: it seemed to me that the consumers were paying for the suppliers to have a good time. I suppose it just cuts out the middle-men of capitalism.

I arrive in Buenos Aires with slight trepidation. It does not get a good press. I've never been to the place before and I speak very little Spanish. Within 24 hours all those feelings were gone. I suppose it was the fight in the bar which helped acclimatise me. Suddenly I could have been in Coleshill on a Friday night. It was quite a spectacle to watch. A young woman was being nauseous to everyone in the bar. Someone said something. The next thing that took my attention away from Bryson's Made in America was the noise of shattering glass from the wall next to where I was sitting. She had thrown her fall bottle of Quilmes in the general direction of the people she was arguing with. She ran away but was caught and threatened with the police. She didn't seem to care. She went off and half an hour later returned with two younger men presumably her family. This was when it could have got interesting but it all diffused and her the young men joined in drinking in the bar and sent the aggrieved woman home. A good first night.

As with all cities there is a pecking order with the traffic. In London it is a close call between Black Cabs and White Vans; in New York there is no possible competition for the Yellow Cab. In Buenos Aires it's a fight quite literally to the death between buses and motor bikes. Being a pedestrian in this city can be a very dangerous thing - not only because of the traffic but because of the state of the pavements. In spite of these hazrds the city is extremely walkable 

just use the Obelisk as your touchstone and you can't get lost. As well as the all pervasive traffic in the downtown area of the city is the all pervasive presence of football. The Argentineans love it. I walk over to the Boca to look at the stadium and this extremely poor part of town lives for football. The stadium seems a bit weary now but it is still the reason for living for so many people who live around here. I have tickets for a game on Saturday so I'll see what it's like from the inside. As I said parts of this city are extremely poor. At the end of every day the garbage scavengers come out all over the city looking through the discarded rubbish of business and commerce before it is collected by the city workers. Hundreds are engaged in this daily ritual. It seems that what they collect most is cardboard: this is extreme ultra- recycling.

It's true what all the books say about this city - it is very European and extremely catholic. My second day here was a holiday so most of the streets were empty but a lot of the churches were full. I spent an interesting hour in a church having the different versions of The Annunciation explained to me in broken English. The favourite of the woman doing the explanation was Van Eyck's; I think it is mine too. Gabriel's face of peace and Mary's unquestionable acceptance are unequalled in the many other versions of this story. Apart from the centrality of the church the architecture is very European: broad avenues, narrow streets and siesta. The catholicism though doesn't stop it from being a fun city: tango, fur coats and lots of non-PC action. This city is at ease with itself.

A theme which is appearing on this tour apart from cranes is protest. The journey from the airport to the hotel which should have taken 40 minutes took 2 hours. This was because the public sector workers were protesting against the government before the elections: banners and fireworks everywhere along the Avenue of 9th July. What was it with all these independence days in South America being in the summer? Did Spain just go on holiday in July and forget about her empire?

So far I haven't felt any antagonism about being English in Buenos Aires. One of the most popular bars in the city is The Gibraltar an English pub though it can be a bit disconcerting as you pass one of the central subte (subway) station Belgrano. One of the funniest sights I have witnessed so far is two English businessmen trying to get a receipt for a purchase in The Gibraltar. They spent 10 minutes trying to get a receipt for two beers: the total cost of which was less than two quid.

I go to the Igazu Falls: they are magnificent. I have been to Niagara a couple of times but these are so much better - impossible to describe. Almost as impossible as desc

ribing a Bocas Juniors game. I enter the cauldron of the Boca and WOW. This is football but not as I know it. This is the Holy Grail of football. Slums all around the stadium - the inhabitants of which walk to the city centre to beg. Mainly it´s the kids who beg in Buenos Aires and after a couple of days it does get to you. This is a divided city but it is a great city. If the falls are the best natural sight I've seen then the Boca is the best man-made sight I've seen. It was built in 1940 and is too small for the supporters of Boca Juniors. There are 20 teams in the Argentina premier division and 15 of them are from Buenos Aires. That's a lot of local derbies. Boca are playing Banfield, a suburb of Buenos Aires. The game is pure theatre with the Boca crowd - their 12th Player- singing throughout the game. I've been to great stadiums: the Millennium; Wembley new and old; Bernabeu; San Siro; Nou Camp and St Andrews but I've never been anyw

here like this. This is real football: only 10 stewards; very little in way of seat designation and a great experience. Boca recover from 1-0 down to get a draw. I decide at the beginning of the game when there is a one-minute silence for the fallen of the Malvinas that it is time to accentuate my Irish heritage and cover up my tattoo.

On Sunday I walk to Place Dorrego which houses the Antiques and Art market. This is Buenos Aires at its best: sun, light, streets, tango, music and Qilmes. I love this city - I will be back.

On IPod: Sawdust

Reading: Made in America

Published: Shirt of the Villa Part Two: Argentina